| Dormitory | Dirty Room |
Evangelist |
Evil's Agent |
Desperation |
A Rope Ends It |
The Morse Code |
Here Come Dots |
Slot Machines |
Cash Lost in 'em |
Animosity |
Is No Amity |
Mother-in-law |
Woman Hitler |
Snooze Alarms |
Alas! No More Z's |
Alec Guinness |
Genuine Class |
Semolina |
Is No Meal |
The Public Art Galleries |
Large Picture Halls, I Bet |
A Decimal Point |
I'm a Dot in Place |
The Earthquakes |
That Queer Shake |
Eleven plus two |
Twelve plus one |
Contradiction |
Accord not in it |
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
"It depends on your definition of asleep. They were not stretched out. They had their eyes closed. They were seated at their desks with their heads in a nodding position." John Hogan, Commonwealth Edison Supervisor of News Information, responding to a charge by a Nuclear Regulatory Commission inspector that two Dresden Nuclear Plant operators were sleeping on the job.
"I didn't accept it. I received it." Richard Allen, National Security Advisor to President Reagan, explaining the $1000 in cash and two watches he was given by two Japanese journalists after he helped arrange a private interview for them with First Lady Nancy Reagan.
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe." Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia.
"I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted." Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries.
"The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President; hijacking an airliner; and murdering a government poultry inspector." spanKnight Rider News Service dispatch
Would you like to see my circumcision scar?
Gesture with your finger for her to "come here"... When she gets to you, ask, " Do you always come when someone fingers you?"
Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up!
They say a girl’s best friends are her legs. But even the best of friend sometimes have to part.
Fuck me if I am wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?
Pardon me, but I am writing a phone Book - can I have your number?
A woman asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You: "Do you have the energy?"
What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits. Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder. A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour. Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
Homossassa, FL. A man went into a hardware store to apply for a job. After completing his application he then went to the section of the store that sold guns. He asked to see a couple guns. The attendent left for a moment and the guy stole the guns. Not only was he video-taped, the police used the address on his application to go to his house and arrest him.