Politically Correct Companion

1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN
2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER- She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE
3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE
4. She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION
5. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY
6. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION
7. She does not GET YOU EXCITED - She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT
8. She is not KINKY- She is a CREATIVE CARETAKER
9. She does not have a KILLER BODY - She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE
10. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED
11. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED
12. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED
13. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED
14. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE
15. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED
16. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR
17. She is not a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER

Ok, having read all this, Here's what I need:

I need a SEXUALLY FOCUSED HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE BREASTED AMERICAN that causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT because she is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE, especially when she is a CREATIVE CARETAKER no matter how CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED she is. She can NOT be REALITY IMPAIRED, no matter HOW PECTORALLY SUPERIOR or MEDICALLY ENHANCED she is! Also, she must NOT be VERBALLY REPETITIVE or a SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED LOW COST PROVIDER! Also, ANY one that ARTIFICIALY STIMULATES me, even if she does it because she is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. I don't care. I DO want her to be VERY VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE though. (Even if she HAS been a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.)