Please note some of these jokes are not funny, some are rude, some are racist etc. I simply copied them from my old site to fill the archives.
So don't complain... enjoy.
| What's red and invisible? | What is a blue square? |
| NO TOMATOES | An orange in disguise!!!!! |
| Which character wanks the most in star wars? | Which character consumes the most cigs in star wars?? |
| hand solo! | chew"bacco"!! |
| What do Harold Shipman and Gareth Gates have in common? | What's Saddam Hussein's favourite TV show? |
| Neither of them can finish a sentence. | Allah mcbeal! |
| What do u call a sikh with a skinhead? | What do u call a sikh on a tightrope? |
| A f*****g appalling liar! | Balan-singh! |
| What do u tell a woman with 2 black eyes...? | Three reasons why Jesus was black: |
| ...nothing, you've already told her twice! |
|
| Person: I got a fucking speeding ticket. | Three men came across cannibals when they got lost in the jungle. The cannibal chief said "go into the forest and each bring back ten fruits". The first man came back with apples and the chief said if they cud stick the ten apples up his arse without him making a facial expression he'd be let free. So the first one went in fine. on the second he winced and was killed and eaten. The second man came back with berries, and the same thing was explained so they went in 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 on the tenth one the man burst out with hysterical laughter and was killed and eaten. The two men meet in heaven and the first man asked why he started laughing when he could of been set free the second man said "I saw the third man coming back with pineapples!!!!!" |
| Blonde: Why how fast were you fucking? | |
| How can u tell when a blondes having a bad day? | What's the definition of "Indecent"? |
| There is a tampon behind her ear and she cant find her pencil. | When it's in long, in hard, an in deep, it's in decent. |
| What is black and blue and full of protein? | What do you call two pakis in a sleeping bag? |
| A rape victim! | Twix |
| What do you call two pakis falling off a cliff | What do you call them getting back up again? |
| Chocolate drops | Black Magic |
| Why do Jews have big noses? | Did you hear about the Hillsborough grand national? |
| Because air is free | 96 fell at the first fence |
| Two pregnant Irish women knitting jumpers. One says to the other I hope mines a boy cause my wool is blue, other says I hope mines a retard cause I've fucked the arms up | Why is Santa clause's sack so big? |
| He only comes once a year. | |
| What does Michael Jackson have in common with a PS2? | What do you call a deer with no eye? |
| They both get turned on by kids | Eye have no eyedea! |
| What do call a dog with no legs? | Can I borrow your face for a few days? My ass is going on holiday! |
| You can call it what you want, but it will not come to you | |
| Don't you need a license to be that ugly? | What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? |
| Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob! | |
| Where is an elephant’s sex organ? | Why does Barbara Bush always get on top? |
| In his feet. If he steps on you, you're fucked! | Because George can only fuck up |
| Why wasn't Jesus born in the U.S.A? | How many men does it take to mop the floor ? |
| Because god couldn't find three wise men and a virgin | None, it’s a women’s job |
| What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? | How do you make a hormone? |
| Snowballs | Don't pay her |
| What did the instructor at the school for Kamikaze pilots say to his students? | |
| Watch closely. I'm only going to do this once. |